Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
