You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
