By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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