It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
