the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
