Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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