Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
