you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
