Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
