i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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