My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
