These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
