rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
