bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
