Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
