The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm both gender and math confused
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
