Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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