Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
soo... how was my night?
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