Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize