I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
