Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
