I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
