It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
