she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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