I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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