I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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