I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
