He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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