u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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