I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bring money and cleavage
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
