Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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