Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
