I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
