I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
