So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
