I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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