i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
