She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
