Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
