Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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