Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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