when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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