Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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