This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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