I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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