Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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