Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How does one acquire holy water?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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