Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
