took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
