i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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