It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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