can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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