first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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