Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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