i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
