ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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