Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize