Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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