i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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