you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
