Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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