I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
