But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
