yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like eating out sand paper
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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