Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
